Crystal meth is a curious thing. For many gay men, it allowed them to awaken their repressed sexuality without inhibitions. And while this is a powerful awakening, it comes with a cost. Crystal meth robbed me of my emotions, morals, employment, housing, and my life. It constantly felt like a proverbial dance with the devil. In brief moments of clarity, I would see what my life had become and make a renewed vow to abstain. Time and time again, unable to suffer the throes of extreme depression that followed, I would use again.